Johnny “The Doc” Docker (Freemantle Dockers Football Club, Australia)Īlthough we were enormously tempted to nominate that lightning bolt thing that Port Power keeps around as the worst mascot of the AFL, that’s at least a semi-creative idea. When your country is ready-shaped like a giant soccer boot punting Sicily out into the Mediterranean, how you end up with this thing as a mascot is a mystery for the ages.ģ. While other World Cup hosts have elected to create mascots that are somehow country-specific, the Italians cheerfully thumbed their nose at this highly logical practice, and instead went with a mascot design that consisted of a collection of brightly-coloured cubes arranged in a vaguely human shape. What makes absolutely no sense and is literally impossible to rationalise, however, is why said egg should be wearing an ‘Uncle Sam’ top hat.
After all, what do you want most of all after an intense day spent shredding the powder? Something warm, something nourishing, something healthy: a half a boiled egg.
Hantama-kun (Hunter Mountain Shiobara ski resort, Japan)Īt an extreme stretch, making a sliced boiled egg the mascot of a ski resort might make sense. After staring at you for 30 minutes to render the above cartoon, I can now state that you’re not even that terrifying. In fact, the porcelain-faced, mange-furred Gobbledock appears to have been designed solely for the purpose of haunting small children’s dreams, with the sale of potato chips a secondary thought at best. This idiot is going in here simply because it haunted the dreams of the author’s childhood. Apparently, the designer then returned to their sketch pad, surveyed the inept scribbling, said ‘good enough’, and went to eat a lamb yiros (it being Greece).Ħ. Instead, these two characters look as if the mascot designer accidentally left their sketch pad on a bench at the zoo and a tapir took to sketching with the pen in its trunk thing, while all the while a violent earthquake happened to be taking place. We of all people can appreciate a sophisticated visual allusion to 7th Century BC Greek terra cotta daidala idols when the context is appropriate – but a cartoon mascot design for children is not one of those contexts. Athena and Phevos (2004 Summer Olympics, Greece)
Speeding the geo duck free#
We trust that the reader agrees that nine paragraphs of text is quite simply too much for this author to wade through in service of writing a disposable comedy column in a free quarterly periodical.ħ. There is a complex and satisfying historical reason that a clumsy-looking orange man is the team mascot for Syracuse University’s football team, but unfortunately said historical account is nine paragraphs long on the University’s website. Otto Orange (Syracuse Orange football, USA) Perhaps the only saving grace is that this mascot was a replacement for a still more horrifying abomination named ‘Sammy the Shrimp’ the shrimp of course being the only creature with even less reason to be near a soccer pitch than an eel or Elvis.Ĩ. Eel (Southend United Football Club, England)Īs far as mashup ideas go, marrying Elvis Presley with an eel ranks right up there with marrying bleach with ammonia. Remarkably, the former is still far more appealing to behold than the latter (which really is quite awful).ĩ. That said, it probably would not have killed the costume designer for Speedy the Geoduck to hit the Encyclopaedia Britannica for some visual reference research before whipping up this mascot suit, which more closely resembles a faecal taco than it does a real geoduck. Speedy the Geoduck (Evergreen State College, USA)įew people have ever seen one of these horrific abominations slithering free in nature.
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